Step-Parenting Mistakes to Avoid

1. Don't rush it.
   Your relationship with your stepchild takes time to develop. Hopefully, you are in it for the long haul, and I'm talking years. Your stepchild might think you're fun at first. But ultimately the biological parent holds the authority. It's over the years that the long-term relationship develops into one of deep love and understanding.
   
2. Don't "dis" biological mom and dad.
   Skip the negativity. You're not replacing anyone, and you are never going to be mom or dad. You are developing an entirely new relationship, independent of any existing one. Work on that rather than nurturing negativity. Plus, that creates some really complicated feelings for the little one to sort through.
   
3. Don't freak out over the name game.
   It took about eight years for my stepdaughter to start calling me a nickname instead of my first name. It sort of just happened one day. And when it happened, it was great. Yeah, having a kid call you by your first name for years gets old really fast, but pushing the point will get you nowhere and just create a wall between you and your stepchild.
   
4. Don't participate in the drama.
   And yes, there will be drama. There always is. Just let it go. There may be fights between the biological parents, arguments over money, scheduling, Christmas gifts, etc. But stay out of it unless you are directly involved, as in you are the one providing medical care and taking the child to the doctor, or if you are the one paying for all birthday gifts from BOTH sides of the families. At that point, something may be broken in your system. Family counseling can work wonders in those situations. It sure did for us! It's all about boundaries.
   
5. Don't ignore the need for counseling if your stepchild is struggling.
   Pay for it yourself if need be. The right family counselor will be a big help.